here goes another sad tale. i fight with a torment sometimes and i don't like it. as i sit in my protective bubble i've created for myself and look around at all the chaos that goes on outside of my bubble. the stupid feelings that completely take someone over...their dribble of heart ache...the retarded decisions they make...the other poeple who get offended...the idiotic friends there to tell them it will be alright...and the cheated on significant other who is always there to take them back. life is all over the place and i deal with none of it. it is out of my own decision to walk away from any and all of this in route to my nice comfy house with all my cool shit and my cat. but sometimes i almost wish i was as moronic as the rest because sometimes i feel like i'm missing out on all this commotion. i am just so responsible...i am always called on when someone has 'really done it'. so this is my role in it all? to bring boring reason and sense to the situation. to tell people to think about what they are doing and ask them if they really think whatever it is they want to do a good idea. i delivered pizza to some guy yesterday and i had to call him because i forgot where his house was. as soon as i heard his voice i remember exactly where it was. he always drunk and sounds like some old reformed hippie. he's a really nice guy and he seems like his life is together. now i think of the completely sober bitchy ass women that as soon as they open their bitch mouth you want to punch them in the face. i really hope i'm not that woman. i don't think i am, but how i percieve things is very different from how things may be. and this little stoner kid always asks me to come hang out with him. i politely decline because honestly i have no interest in doing so and he jokes to me that i have no friends and i am a bummer. this really bothers me, and it's because sometimes i think the same thing about myself...bummer wise. and the times i do feel like running around, i have no run around friends so i can't...and this irriates me. but i guess this is a good thing because i would probably just get into trouble. maybe there is something up my ass. maybe because i've been practically laid up for the last 3 months and am now finally starting to feel better i have all this pent up energy that i need to do something fun with. not a bad fun, just get out and act a little crazy fun...in the best way possible. haha. if this makes sense to all the people that are not reading this, good. if not...i know what i'm talking about. this is not as goood as talking to another human about this shit...but maybe i am building up my writing skills by doing it this way...plus everyone is working now.
