something different

i want the explosion to happen. i want my mind to let go. i want the ends to slowly pull away from the reality i'm in. just like a trip...when you wake up and see a different sunrise. like every little thing about you changed just a tiny little bit. the wind feels different in your hair. it feels like that tonite for some reason, but not all the way. maybe something is happening somewhere, and my mind is in the right type of thinking to pick it up. i wonder what a serial killer thinks as he's about to kill his next victim. is his whole trip just a series of unspeakable thing or thoughts and when he lets loose of his shitty reality and lets someone's blood flow, his minds breaks...in a good way...and that is his release. just the air of tonite hit me just right. i liked it. i want something to happen. or the trip of some rock star who's ready to get his dick sucked by some groupie...of the nothingness that's behind a deer's eyes when you get a close up look at them. god this was so much better in the car. the light of my desk and the computer screen are taking away what i felt outside. i want a reawakening. but without the mind blowing drugs. i want a feeling i can't quit explain right now but someone's who felt it knows what i'm talking about. i want to wake up to something better...and not in a material sense...so if my mind can't ascend into something better, maybe just the corners letting go for a little will just have to do. just something a little bit different. i want to see the sunrise a little different, and feel a different breeze blow through my hair. i want an explosion.